The Mork Report

"The Mork Report"
Season 4, Episode #22 (#95) in series (95 episodes)
Romance is one of the 4 elements Mork deems crucial to a happy marriage in his crucial Report to Orson as he guns for promotion
"Mork & Mindy" episode
Guest Star(s):	Elizabeth Kerr
Network:	ABC-TV
Production code:	421 (4x21)
Writer(s)	Winifred Hervey
Director	Robin Williams
Original airdate	May 27, 1982
IMDB	The Mork Report
Episode chronology
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"Gotta Run, Part 3"	None, end of series
List of Mork & Mindy seasons/episodes

The Mork Report was the Season 4 and series finale of Mork and Mindy, the 22nd episode of the season, and the 95th episode in the series.

Written by Winifred Hervey, the episode, directed by series' co-star Robin Williams, was shot on March 19, 1982 and originally aired on ABC-TV on May 27, 1982.

Synopsis

Mork bucks hard for a promotion from his superior, Orson on planet Ork, making a segmented report on what it takes to stay happily married on Earth.

Plot

The episode begins with Mork in Report mode, introducing himself as 'Mork Wallace', 'Morky Safer' and 'Morky Reasoner' as part of the expanded Mork Report to answer the 'burning question' of the times, namely how is Mork & Mindy's marriage getting on? Orson warns him this better be good as his promotion is riding on his report. Mork's aware of it, and wants to flag it all the same. Millions of couples he tells Orson get married every year, but getting married isn't the issue, 'staying' married is. Orson would rather he did his thesis on something he is interested in, like food. But Mork asks him to stay with him. He tells Orson by his reckoning there are 4 main ingredients to a successful marriage and it's just a matter of mixing them in the proper amount. The first he tells him is honesty and turns to the screens behind him.

Honesty - Morning in Mork & Mindy's bedroom, and Mindy is still fast asleep while Mork still in his nightgown, sneaks in with a large wrapped gift and hides it under the covers on his side of the bed. Trying to wake her to give it to her however, proves problematic. His puppy howl and kisses doesn't work, neither does kicking the bed, or crowing like a cock. Finally he gets a torch, makes the sound of an onrushing truck and shines the light in her eyes making her scream as she wakes up. Furious, she hammers him with a pillow twice, as he runs around the bed, before he pulls the present out and holds it up like a shield. Poised to hit him again, as soon as she sees the gift, she melts. Mork sends her off to open it and try on what's inside in the bathroom. What's inside is a hideous concoction of a mid thigh orange vinyl dress, part Lil Abner, part flamboyant cowboy, and pretty much Hooker Chic. And while Mork is enthusing about it wildly on her, Mindy is trying very hard to show appreciation for his thoughtfulness and not how much she hates it. When he wants to take her out dancing in it she rapidly makes up the excuse of having no shoes before he presents equally hideous orange and yellow block heel platform soled shoes, completing the streetwalker look.

Mindy tells him she cant' accept all these gifts, but Mork points out that effectively she paid for it so there's no reason why not. Mearth comes in to see if Mork gave her his gift and its apparent he shares his father's taste in fashion, his eyes bugging and enthusing wildly. Mindy is fine with Mearth taking pictures, until Mork starts suggesting they could send it out as their Christmas Card and she rapidly tries to get the camera off Mearth. When Mearth leaves, Mindy gets Mork to sit with her. Trying very hard not to hurt his feelings she tells him that she's appreciative of the thought but the dress just isn't her taste, and suggests that they take everything back. She winces when he's offended all the same, pulling out one of her dresses and asking her if she'd rather wear that then 'his present'? She tells him she knows what she's saying is hard to accept, but they love each other too much to live under false pretenses, and she feels better just telling him the truth. When he reacts by saying he's glad *she* feels better, she wants to know would he prefer she lie? When he says yes, she asks if that's how he wants their marriage to be? Never knowing what the other person is thinking? She tells him he's the only person she can be totally honest with. Mork finally understands, and wanting to be honest too, telling her she has the dress on backwards. Ending the segmented report.

Back reporting again, Mork explains to Orson that honesty is just one small link in the chain that allows these two lifeforms from entirely different environments to connect, but gets cut off by Orson who tells him he's on the water diet and can't stay in one place too long. Mork agrees and heads straight to the next topic.

Respect - Mindy, Fred & Cora enter the apartment after visiting Cora's 73 year old sister, Eunice in hospital following her nose job. Fred reminds Mindy they have dinner reservations and she calls out for Mork & Mearth saying they're ready to go, but the two come down from Mearth's room dressed from head to toe like plants, chanting to celebrate Orks most sacred Foliage Festival. Seeing whats coming Mindy suggests that Cora & Fred head to dinner while she stays to 'mulch' her boys. As soon as they go however, Mork approaches her humiliated at how she mocked his religion in front of her family. She apologizes but admits that looking at them gives her the urge for spinach salad. Mork reminds her he observes her religious holidays, even fasting on Yom Kippur till he found out she wasn't Jewish. Still trying hard not to laugh Mindy admits he's right, she should have more respect. Mork agrees and though she tries to resist they pull her up to join them in a ceremonial dance. Mindy points out its the Hokey Pokey and makes an escape back to the couch to watch with barely concealed mirth. When Mork accuses her of snickering she tries to pretend she just has a lip twitch, and he accuses of her mocking them, which she denies vehemently but unconvincingly, and he says he hopes so (before making a fairly filthy joke). He pulls her back in to 'play the rain' and she delights in spraying them both, laughing again as flowers sprout on them. They move into a Jewish style ceremonial dance and drag her back into it...at the end of which Mork tells her that all that remains is the reception and to step on the paper cup. Saying she'll go fix her hair and get her beaded bag for that, she heads off the bedroom, and Mearth says it was good to see how moved she was, so much so that there were tears in her eyes. And Mork agrees that he thinks its given Mindy a new appreciation of their culture. After which Mindy's raucous laughter can be heard coming from the bedroom. Returning again to his report, Orson reminds Mork again that his promotion is riding on this report, and Mork moves on saying this next part has often been the primary reason for marriage in the first place. To which Orson queries, her family has money? Mork demurs, saying he's talking about Romance. That too often it flickers and dies in marriage, but his and Mindy's, burn's hot.

Romance - With a major motion picture fanfare, the world goes classic movie black and white and as Mork is slaving over a hot stove in his apron in the kitchen romantic music plays over the scene. A glamorous looking Mindy entering, to eye Mork avariciously, before shrugging off her coat to reveal a stunning gown Ginger Rogers would be proud of. As she beckons Mork towards her seductively he prevaricates, overheating as he tries to resist. Moving after him, she spins him, dips him and when he rises up he is in white tie and tails (under his apron). The two go in to a cat and mouse dance as she lures him away from the kitchen, intervening his his setting the table for dinner and distracting him so the pot spills over on the stove. Torn, he finally he gives in, pulls off his apron, and joins her in a full blown Fred 'n Ginger dance routine, with high lifts, spins and deep dips, and as Mearth descends in a black tie romper suit, and violin, Mork sweeps her up into his arms, the dance finishing in a deep romantic kiss.

One which Orson calls "Cut!" on, before accusing Mork of lying. Mork trying to cover until Orson points out that he always lies in black and white. Mork dissembles telling him that there are certain things between a husband and wife that should remain private. Orson tells him it's been very educational and will get back to him on his promotion, but Mork stops him saying he can't walk out before the grand finale. Compatibility defined as 'Mork & Mindy'.

Compatibility - Back in Mindy & Mork's bedroom, they're both in bed. Mindy reading, Mork watching TV. When she suggests he should read a magazine instead he agrees he should catch up on his current events and asks if she has a TV guide among her collection. Leafing through them, all she has are business women's and interest magazines. Giving him one (without Brooke Shields on the cover), he finds a compatibility test and asks her if she wants to do it? After a second she grins and agrees, as long as he doesn't cheat. Settling in beside him. The first question, asks whether 'Your spouse is as affectionate now as when you first married?' when he looks to her for an answer, Mindy grabs him and kisses him hard. On being let up for air, he teases her that was average, then ticks the box, and moves on to, 'When you have an argument who gives in first, you or your spouse?'. Mork says that's easy, it's him, prompting an indignant response from Mindy who says it's her, and argument breaks out over which of them it is until finally Mindy calls a halt to it, calling the test dumb and saying they should just go to sleep. Turning out the lights they settle down, until Mork pipes out a small 'Me!'. Turning the lights back on Mindy finds Mork pointing vigorously at himself. Telling him this is stupid and she has to get some sleep, as soon as she turns her back she catches him doing it again. Irked she jumps out of bed telling him she hates it when he acts like that, and getting out the far side he tells her he hates it when she gargles silently. It descends into a back and forth of the idiosyncrasies they dislike about one another until Mork accuses her of being 'neurotically neat'. While she scoffs at that he 'tests' her by dropping his nightcap on the floor at the end of the bed. Asking him if that is supposed to bother her, he says they'll see and keeps drawing her attention to it. Facing off they stand there, till Mork starts teasing her whereupon Mindy snatches it up and, as he gives chase, races to the bathroom locking herself in, leaving Mork outside listening to the toilet flush.

Shocked. he doesn't' believe she's done what he thinks she's done, yet when the door opens Mindy walks out, showing her hands empty. Stricken, he stares at her in disbelief, trying to process that she flushed his cap. Unable to take his wounded puppy expression she gives in and pulls it from the back of her PJs confessing she didn't, but she wanted to! Mork tells her that's what he loves about her. No matter how mad she gets at him, she never does anything to hurt him. She confesses she flushed his batman toothbrush instead, but he doesn't care. Grinning at each other, and how foolish they have been, Mindy puts his hat back on his head, telling him she wouldn't exchange the past 4 years with him for the world. He tells his 'pooter' he loves her which she reciprocates before they scamper back to bed. Getting in, she tells him again that she loves him, wondering who could possibly be as happy as they are, or, Mork points out, as good at making up. Kissing they settle back down for the night, only for Mork to pipe up 'Me' again, this time to his wife's amusement.

Returning to Mork's report for the final time, summing up that these are the elements that help to make their marriage so successful, that and the fact that Mindy doesn't have a mother in law that keeps saying to her 'Can't Mork live at home and you two just date?!' Orson asks him why bother, it all seems like a such a hassle. Mork agrees it can be, the work is hard, the hours are long but every time he sees Mindy he sees warmth, he see's love, he see's someone who makes him feel like he matters, and actually manages to move Orson to near tears. Telling Mork the grades will be posted in the bulletin board, Mork pleads to know now. Orson snaps him to attention, and tells by the authority granted to him by the Grand Council and the JCs he grants Mork his stripes. A zebra appearing behind Mork.

Goofs

• During the Respect segment, the camera pulls a little too far to the left as Mork & Mearth enter in their 'Foliage Fest' get up, and the top of a set light comes briefly into view.
• During the Compatibility segment, it's completely clear that Mork isn't actually filling out a compatibility quiz in the magazine Mindy gives him, just ticking off over the pictures of the people on the page.

Trivia

Orkan 'Facts'

• Mearth & Mork are celebrating the most sacred of all Orkan festivals, the Foliage Festival , celebrating the renewal of plant life on ancient Ork, before which Orkan brides had to throw bouquets of rocks.

General

• This episode was filmed before the "Gotta Run," trilogy and was originally scheduled as 4.19 (before the three-part series finale) instead it aired afterwards because of the show's subsequent cancellation to give the series a more concluded feel instead of ending it on the intended cliffhanger.
• Well-directed by Robin Williams, his only known credit as director.
• Mearth trying to get Mindy to loosen up as he takes shots of her describes it as like 'shooting a stick of wood' a gag based around Pam Dawber's successful career, prior to acting, as a Fashion Photographic Model in New York.
• With Mork's 'Bush' line to Mindy, and Pam Dawber's reaction, Robin Williams seems to have gotten one final filthy gag past the censors.
• When Mork asks why she keeps putting on ballet slippers when she gets, up she replies maybe she wouldn't have to if he wasn't keeping 'a home for battered lizards'. Robin Williams had two pet lizards (one called Truman Capote, because he had no neck).

Pop Culture

• Mork's intro to his 'Mork Report' has him referencing in 'Morky' fashion CBS's 60 Minutes team of Mike Wallace , Morley Safer and Harry Reasoner
• On seeing Mindy in her new dress, Mork exclaims 'Mr. Blackwell eat your heart out!' referring to Richard Blackwell the fashion critic who created much anticipated Best/Worst Dressed Lists of women every year.
• Mork directly references the dress as a 'combination of Lil Abner and everything', specifically meaning the beautiful Daisy Mae Scragg (who often wore short skirts, and polka dot tops that showed a fair amount of skin), the subsequent reference to 'the greased pig contest' coming from Lil Abner as well.
• The crazy orange fringe on the leopard print arm Mork describes as 'Roy Rogers gone berserk' highlighting the singing cowboys propensity for fringe on his outfits.
• Mork turns to Yiddish again calling Mindy's perfectly pretty dress this Schmatta' or 'this Rag'
• During his reciting from the Book of Fern, Mork slides into both his Tele-Evangelist and his Tennessee Williams heroine voice.
• The 'Opening Credits' for the Romance section feature Jonathan Winters in a lion suit with an 'MMM' logo in a tribute to Metro Goldwyn Mayer's MGM logo and Leo the Lion mascot, and a 20th Century Fox style fanfare intro.
• Mork tells Orson that there are certain things that should remain private between husband and wife, 'Unless of course you're Mr & Mrs Erik Estrada'. Estrada one of the stars of CHiPs, had married and divorced his first wife Joyce Miller within 7 months (1979-80) and a bitter custody battle revealed all kinds of alleged acts throughout their brief time together.
• Mork has another pop at the ubiquity of the young Brooke Shields at the time, asking Mindy if she has any magazines *without* her on the cover.
• Mork wants to know why Mindy keeps on putting on ballet slippers, like she's going for milk and cookies with Martha Graham, a renowned dancer and choreographer who helped shape modern dance.
• Mork does a Groucho Marx impersonation 'Say the magic word the hat might disappear' riffing on the 'Secret Word' from Groucho's 'You Bet Your Life' Show.

Quotes/Excerpts

• Mork: Welcome to the Expanded Mork Report. This years observer theses deals with the ever burning question of our time..so like...how's it goin' in Mork 'n Mindy's marriage m'kay?

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• Orson: Why can't you do a thesis on something I'm interested in? Like why do hotdogs come 6 to a pack but the buns come in 8s!

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• Mork: Take honesty for example. It's always the best policy. Unless you have a psychiatrist with a big mouth!

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• Mork: *enthusing over the hideous dress* Oh Min...Mind...you can do a million things with it!
• Mindy: Really? *staring at herself in the mirror* I can only think of one.

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• Mindy: I don't know just how to put this....it's not as though I don't appreciate the thought. But...*indicates the dress* this just isn't my taste.
• Mork: I know Mind, but I'm tired of your taste.

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• Mork: *about the dress* Oh but.. couldn't you've just waited a couple of months and then said you'd ruined it in a greased pig contest?

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• Mork: Min! How could you ridicule my religion in front of your family I have never, ever, been so humiliated!
• Mindy: I'm sorry! Its just that looking at you two gives me this incredible urge for spinach salad.

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• Mork: You're mocking us aren't you Mind!?!
• Mindy: I'm not! I'm not! *trying to keep a straight face* I'm just...I...I...I was just appreciating your ceremony.
• Mork: I should hope so!
• Mindy: I am!
• Mork: *eyeing her* A bush is a terrible thing to waste.
• *Mindy eyes him back suspiciously*

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• Mork: *watches as Mearth closes the flower that's opened on him* Son, don't do that you'll deflower yourself!

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• Mork: In too many marriages the flame of romance flickers and dies. But ours burns hotter than an aluminum bench in Cairo!

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• Mork: Compatibility. According to Websters, a Noun. State of existing together in harmony. See Mindy, Mork, And.

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• Mindy: Let's not argue about our arguments, just put me down as the one who gives in.
• Mork: No, it's me!
• Mindy: It is not, it's me!
• Mork: Me!
• Mindy: You know it's me!
• Mork: Alright I give in it's you!
• Mindy: Oh no you don't!

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• Mindy: That's it! You know I really hate it when you act like this.
• Mork: Oh?
• Mindy: Yeah!
• Mork: Oh really? You know what I hate? I...I...I...I hate it when you gargle and you don't make any noise. It's like *sticks his head back and gargles silently with his tongue moving*
• Mindy: Oh yeah?!
• Mork: Yeah
• Mindy: Well nothing annoys me more than when you go through a salad bar without using a plate!
• Mork: Oh? Oh really?! Well you know what annoys me? When you get out of bed at night and you put on those silly little ballet slippers. What are you going out for milk and cookies with Martha Graham? Like *does modern dance moves*
• Mindy: It just so happens I'm afraid to go barefoot in this house since you opened your home for battered lizards!
• Mork: Oh, they're the only ones who will eat your dip!
• Mindy: My dip!?!?!
• Mork: Besides I cleaned up after 'em! But nothing can be clean enough for you because you are neurotically neat! *Mindy scoffs* You are!! You even wash the soap before you wash your hands!

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• Mork: *Mindy showing her empty hands* You did! *exhales sharply* You flushed my cap. Mind! You flushed my cap! *Mindy shrugs* Right now some alligator's probably wearing it!

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• Mindy: Oh Mork I love you. Who could possibly be as happy as we are?
• Mork: Or as good at making up? *they kiss and Mindy turns out the light, both of them settling down*......Me!

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• Orson: Why bother Mork? It all seems like such a hassle.
• Mork: Oh sometimes it is sir, the hours are long, the work is hard. But every time I look at Mindy I see warmth, I see love, I see someone who makes me feel like I matter in this vast lonely universe.

Image Gallery

Cast

Starring

• Robin Williams as Mork
• Pam Dawber as Mindy McConnell
• Conrad Janis as Fred McConnell
• Jonathan Winters as Mearth McConnell
• Ralph James as Voice of Orson

Guest starring

• Elizabeth Kerr as Cora Hudson

External links

• "The Mork Report" at TV.com